Use code SUMMERPRACTICE for a 25% discount on all On Demand Courses through August 31.

The Dharma and the Drama of Sex: Everything you Wanted to know about Dharma and Sex but were too Spiritual to Ask

With Martin Aylward recorded on November 18, 2018.

Found our teachings useful? Help us continue our work and support your teachers with a donation. Here’s how.

Sex is everywhere. It’s how we got born, it teases us from advertising boards on every city street, it drives some of the biggest industries, and it provokes some of the most intense stimuli in body, heart and mind.

Yet dharma teachings, even in a lay context, mostly ignore sex. It is not spoken about enough, and Buddhism, like most other religions, usually defaults to either celibacy or long term monogamy as the only possibilities for wise sexual relationship. This is poor guidance and ignores the potency of sexual energy, the intensity of sexual desire, and the vital need to wake up around sex.

Meanwhile, we have a long, depressing and seemingly ever-growing list of Buddhist figureheads involved in sexual scandals, abuses and betrayals of trust. You cannot expect wise teachings on sexuality from (mostly male) teachers who can’t behave wisely, respectfully, or even consensually, in their own sex lives. And while Buddha has wise guidance on many things, would you go for advice on sex and relationship to a 2500 year old celibate Indian guy who ran away from his wife and called his son ‘Chain around my ankle’?

In this session, Martin explores the dharma and drama of sex. We look away from orthodoxy and tradition and towards 21st century life; exploring sexual history and desire, consent and conditioning, various forms of skilful sexual relationship, and a healthy approach to Tantra.

Listen to the audio version below, or click here to download the mp3.

Discussion

Leave a Reply

Discover more from the Dharma Library

  • Daily Meditation Recordings, with Ulla Koenig – Week of June 17, 2024

    This week’s theme is “Preparing the Heart and Mind”. In Buddhist practice we often hear we should let go. And often enough we would really like to let go of those thoughts, impulses, moods and contractions which keep us agitated and in unease. But letting go is rarely something we decide to do; and neither is holding on. In the upcoming week we will explore why the heart-mind holds on to something and how we can prepare, nourish and soothe it, so that letting go becomes a natural process, not a willful command.

    Read More

  • Dave Smith

    Liberation through the Heart (Citta Vimmuti)

    Most people associate Dharma practice with the concept of Wisdom. Here, the idea is that we need to “know” something that we don’t already know. For English thinking minds this can become very problematic and can turn our practice into a cognitive or intellectual endeavor. With the earliest teachings of the Dharma we see that…

    Read More

  • Is there compassion for the self? Go deep. Is compassion the end of self?

    The Dharma flies with two wings – compassion and wisdom. Compassion emerges from a liberated wisdom. That happens when constructs in the mind lose their significance. The emptiness of self and the emptiness of dependency on feeling tones take priority. This talk also explores the contraction of compassion into self interest. The liberation of compassion…

    Read More

  • Daily Meditation Recordings, with Jaya Rudgard – Week of 11 May, 2026

    This week’s theme is: Less Stuck Than We Think

    When we find ourselves feeling stuck, it may be that we are less so than we think. Even in circumstances beyond our control, there is some possibility of agency and freedom. These daily sessions will support us to find the ground under our feet and investigate ways we stick to experiences and they to us, and what we can do to set ourselves free.

    Our Dharma Library thrives through collective generosity. Your donation helps sustain this offering for our entire community.

    Read More

  • Nathan Glyde

    Daily Meditation Recordings, with Nathan Glyde – Week of Feb 21, 2022

    This week’s topic is: Deeply Rooted, Fully Alive. This week we will explore the profound, yet accessible teachings of equipoise and equanimity. One of the best images for this sensitive balancing relationship with all things is a deeply rooted and flexible tree in a windy storm. The tree, equipoised, does not resist the wind, bending and yielding to its force. Yet, well nourished from the root, it returns to noble uprightness as soon as the pressure passes.

    Read More

  • The Importance of the Uplifting Experience

    The Buddha taught about life’s suffering—known as ‘dukkha’—and how our personal, social and global issues can weigh us down. Yet dukkha does not have the inherent power to stop ‘sukkha,’ or happiness, from breaking through. In this session, we will explore ‘upliftment’, and the joys that keep our spirit alive. Upliftment of the human spirit…

    Read More

  • Living the Bodhisattva Vow

    In Buddhism, a Bodhisattva is one who, having realized deep insight into the nature of self and reality, dedicates their life to alleviating suffering and guiding others toward awakening. Through examining the foundational principles of the vow of the Bodhisattva, we will consider what it means to be “Bodhisattvas in training” and how this intention…

    Read More

  • Nirmala Werner

    Daily Meditation Recordings, with Nirmala Werner – Week of 24 November, 2025

    We are delighted to have Nirmala Werner guiding our Daily Meditation sessions this week. May these sessions support and enrich your practice. This week’s theme is: Embodying the Four (or Five) Elements: Meditation for Everyday Presence. Rooted in Buddhist wisdom, this practice invites us to connect with earth, water, fire, air, and space as living forces within and around us. By attuning to their ever-shifting qualities, we find grounding amidst change-an anchor of presence, steadiness, and clarity to meet the movements of daily life. Our Dharma Library thrives through collective generosity. Your donation helps sustain this offering for our entire community.

    Read More